I am a bisexual woman and I have known this for sure for about 3 years

I have no problem attracting men. I have always attracted more men than were necessary, which reallllllly gets annoying..

my problem is attracting women. There have been a few hopefuls over the past couple years but nothing really gets past the flirting stage.

first of all, I am very much into feminine women, which I think adds to my problem because a lot of very feminine women don't exactly scream lesbian to my eyes. I have pretty good judgement when it comes to sexuality but I have really been second guessing myself. I have been into a few very attractive women and we talk and flirt and whatnot, but at the end of the night, I start wondering if she is really into girls. Maybe she is just really nice and I am mixing up my signals.

anyway, I am very frusterated and am wondering if maybe I am putting them off and maybe they think I am not into it..... Maybe I should just at somepoint just flat out ask the woman if she is into other girls.....I don't know

what do you think?
Am I over-thinking this whole matter?

Hi Markrs, where are you meeting these women? I'm sure it can be hard to judge when to bring out the "...so are you" line, fortunately I've had the good sense to be attracted to chicks I already knew were lesbians, ha. Maybe go to some lesbian bars or clubs?

I think it would be better that instead of asking them whether they like girls or not, you should drop hints about your own sexuality... And if they are not in any way turned off, then I'd say it's safe to invite them somewhere.

well I am in college at an art school now, so it is a little easier to tell who is into who because it isn't frowned upon to be openly gay/lesbian here

but before I came here I had a very hard time because my town happens to be one of the most christian conservative towns in cali

It is somewhat easier to tell here, but I just don't think I have the right game to pick up women.

I just get these really strong feelings from certain women and I think they are lesbian/bi, but I can't really tell because in my opinion, women are very nice and somewhat flirty to each other anyway in an environment such as the one I am in.

Today one of my friends(whom I think is cute and i thought she might be into me) said that I would make a cute couple with some guy that we both know. I told her that I wasn't interested and she kept probing me for why not and I made up some story about how I only see him for friendship.

I am getting some mixed messages.... I thought she was into me (looks she gave me, the way she talked to me, body language) but then she suggested I date one of our male friends.

That might have been her testing the waters, Sniff! Maybe she was hoping you would say "I'm kinda more into girls."

It sounds to me like the problem is you're not fully comfortable saying "I'm into chicks" yet, right? I mean, that situation with your friend was the perfect time to say it - she's already a friend and everything - but you...well, you kinda wussed out.

Do you think next time you see her you could say something like hey, remember when you suggested I should date that guy? The real reason I didn't want to is I'm bisexual, and right now I'm more interested in girls.

haha yeah I agree with mollyboston. She could have been hoping that you'd say you like girls. My present girlfriend did a similar thing before we started dating. She asked me if I wanted to have kids one day (which nowadays should not be said if you're trying to figure someone's sexuality out--anyone can have kids). I told her I was not thinking about that at all, and I guess that answer was enough to give her the confidence to ask me out. You should have told your friend "yeah, we probably would make a good couple. Too bad i'm not into guys." I find an answer like that is easier to say than straighforwardly saying "I like girls."

i was thinking that too....

it's not really that I wussed out, it's more that it wasn't really on my mind at the moment and right after she left I realized that I should have said something...blah, maybe I'm just a little nervous because this will be the first woman that I flat out approach because I can finally be free to just be who I am

I think I will bring it up next time I talk to her

Haha, WORD to Boston for shpeakin' de truth!

I find that when I'm freaking out, I just tell myself to go with the flow. The only times I'm been with people properly was when I threw my nerves out the window and stopped caring too much. However, to a certain extent, you have to make yourself public, or people really won't even think to approach ya. Send your friend a text or email about how when you said you weren't interested, it was because you're not really into guys (at the moment, etc.) if it makes it easier for you. :D

BEST OF LUCK!

so i did it.....

but didn't get the response I was looking for. I swear this girl pings so hard, but I guess she isn't into women and further more she is a virgin. She told me not to feel bad though because she has been approached by women before....

I still feel like crap about it though

ugh so depressing

edit: read my next post.....turns out she isn't so straight after all.....

Woooooops. Sorry, babe. That's awkward, even though it sounds like she was really cool about it.

Good on you for going for it though! We're proud of you.

haha there is more though

last night was the art gallery opening here at the school

I went to the Cabaret and my other bisexual friend tells me that sam(the girl) did the same thing to her last year(ask you to be her valentine, takes you on dates, totally flirts with you) and then when my friend asked sam about it, she told her the same thing(I am a straight virgin, but women are so beautiful blah blah blah)......

but then my friend told me about a dance party last year that they both went to and how sam was totally feeling her up and ended up with her hand up my friends' skirt........well......the same thing happened to me last night.....

I was dancing with my friend and then sam cuts in and first starts dancing with my friend and then she makes her way over to me and totally had her hands all over me.....

what the hell is up with this girl!??

SPAGHETTI LESBIANNN! That's my theory.

how annoying and confusing! ugh!

lol at the thread title and the forum it's in

Maybe she's the one having a hard time admitting to herself that she's into chicks (still a virgin cos she's not into guys...?) and sorta trying to get you to make the first move. But she's obviously not sure of herself because you did try to talk about it and she didn't want a bar of it.

Hmm, sounds like she wants to experiment but doesn't want to officially take out Bi Membership. So yeah, as Bocks said, instant noodle. It's not unusual for straight women to say things like 'women are so beautiful' etc but it is *slightly* unusual for a completely straight girl to feel you up on the dancefloor.

What's a spaghetti lesbian?

"Straight until wet," Scratcho.

http://www.hipforums.com/forums/images/newsmilies/drool5.gif Awesome!

PS! I think this is my 1000th post.

Thanks Molly--thats good.

Yay BOCKS! Happy 1000!

Scratcho, it was Bocks who taught me that term. Because she is my hero and my long-distance imaginary girlfriend.

Sniff, this girl is definitely sounding like she's at least bi and sortof uncomfortable with it. Which is annoying for you, because....GAH, you probably both want to do each other, she needs to get over herself and take her damn clothes off, right?

Does she drink? If she drinks, you should just get her drunk and then stick your tongue down her throat. It works for guys. ;P

By the way, I just turned signatures on and saw yours, and then went and checked out your myspace page - I can't listen to your music because I loaned my headphones to a friend, but you're amazingly pretty. I can see why Sam can't stop flirting with you. ;)

Ditto! I wanted to say that but was too polite, and commented on you being a drummer instead (equally an attractive quality). Thank Codfish for long-distance imaginary girlfriends like Boston :D.

And I think your music's really interesting, in a good way (as opposed to "...interesting?"). :)

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Yeah, thank heck we have me around to not even know what "polite" means.

Guys who are drummers get -5 points because boy drummers tend to smell bad and live with their parents, but it turns out that girls who are drummers get +5. Interesting.

WOW, Sam sounds looser than a regular tobacco chewer's teeth. Or maybe you have that swagger and charm. Let's hope it's the second theory. ;)

And forget drummers. It's all about the sax players.

thanks girls!

well anyway my other friend that sam did the same thing to likes women drummers too! last night she came to watch me perform and we kind of ditched the party and did our own thing......man she is so beautiful!

YAY!

sam missed out..... but i think i found something better!

Yay for you, honey!! I'm so happy for you, that's awesome :)

Sniff, that's so fucking terrific. :) for you.

we sunbathed nude today!

haha my ass is so red...lol

she is so beautiful

Lol...that sounds awesome except for the part about your sunburned ass.

So it sounds like it's got Actual Relationship Potential, huh?

lol so within the past two weeks, we both totally dumped our boyfriends for each other (i have been going out with mine for 2 years, but this chick has totally swept me off my feet).....

it hasn't gone much further than cuddling, hugging, massaging, and holding hands, but this is the first time either of us has openly held hands,etc.....and now there are a lot of chicks hitting on me, because my girl and I were seen together at a part last week haha

anyway, we haven't exchanged numbers and we have decided that we aren't going to yet, because we have both agreed that it is very fun to have an air of mystery about this whole thing and just the fact that it is amazing when we randomly meet up at events here at the school...

I am taking her to Venice beach this weekend, our first outing ouside of school galleries, parties, and classes together.....I am so excited!

omg..... this woman makes me crazy!

she heard that my roommate is going to be out of town for the week and she got my number from one of our friends and showed up at my dorm at 3AM with flowers and tarts for me......and then she spent the night..... this girl is ridiculously amazing....and SO BEAUTIFUL!!!

omg..... this woman makes me crazy!

she heard that my roommate is going to be out of town for the week and she got my number from one of our friends and showed up at my dorm at 3AM with flowers and tarts for me......and then she spent the night..... this girl is ridiculously amazing....and SO BEAUTIFUL!!!
awww... you have me melting, and wishing i had a girlfriend :( by the way, if i had found this thread before you ended up with your amazing girl (which, btw, way to go, you rock, and i'm so happy for you!) i would have been trying to figure out just how far away valencia, ca is from sonoma county... 'cause i happen to think you're way hot, and crazy cool. just thought you might enjoy hearing that!

and woohoo for you!!! 3am visits from hot girls are the best in the world... when i was in school (way back when... gotta love the boarding school lol) i had a private room because i was an out lesbo, and the nuns didn't think it would be appropriate for other girls to share a room with me, and this one girl i was so in love with would crawl in my window in the middle of the night sometimes.... sweet memories! :)

awww... you have me melting, and wishing i had a girlfriend :( by the way, if i had found this thread before you ended up with your amazing girl (which, btw, way to go, you rock, and i'm so happy for you!) i would have been trying to figure out just how far away valencia, ca is from sonoma county... 'cause i happen to think you're way hot, and crazy cool. just thought you might enjoy hearing that!

and woohoo for you!!! 3am visits from hot girls are the best in the world... when i was in school (way back when... gotta love the boarding school lol) i had a private room because i was an out lesbo, and the nuns didn't think it would be appropriate for other girls to share a room with me, and this one girl i was so in love with would crawl in my window in the middle of the night sometimes.... sweet memories! :)

haha thanks lady!!! you are a looker yourself ;)

the only thing is that I feel kind of guilty after last night because she just broke up with her boyfriend like 2 weeks ago and he is one of my good friends as well (he is the same major as me) so....it's still a tricky situation, but I think she's worth it
:)

yeah... sticky icky situations... :P but as hard as it might be for him to see you two together, or to know that you are together now, you deserve your happiness, as does she! i'm glad you found each other!

I agree, and I talked to her and she agrees too..... it's pretty much getting around that we are seeing each other anyway....he is going to find out soon and it's not going to be pretty, but life goes on.......ugh i am falling hard for this one haha

I agree, and I talked to her and she agrees too..... it's pretty much getting around that we are seeing each other anyway....he is going to find out soon and it's not going to be pretty, but life goes on.......ugh i am falling hard for this one hahanothin' wrong with falling hard! i personally think it's quite fun... :)

""i had a private room because i was an out lesbo, and the nuns didn't think it would be appropriate for other girls to share a room with me, and this one girl i was so in love with would crawl in my window in the middle of the night sometimes.... sweet memories!"--quote unquote

wow, how old...high school?!?! i wish i was catholic now just so something like that could happen to me! that is soo romantic!!! AND sweet of her!

""i had a private room because i was an out lesbo, and the nuns didn't think it would be appropriate for other girls to share a room with me, and this one girl i was so in love with would crawl in my window in the middle of the night sometimes.... sweet memories!"--quote unquote

wow, how old...high school?!?! i wish i was catholic now just so something like that could happen to me! that is soo romantic!!! AND sweet of her!um... tryin' to think... i was around 15 i think, so i guess that's high school. it was a not so lovely experience in the boarding school, but i did have some good times. got shipped off there when i was 10, so i spent 7 years of my life being told i was going to burn in hell for liking girls. and kissing girls. and licking girls lol!

eventually my bedroom window became like... the secret "i'm horny" window, because it was an all girls school, and well... no boys equals a bunch of horny girls, and well... i liked girls in all shapes and sizes lol! most of the time we just made out and stuff and never talked about it again, but a few actually became girlfriends. until their parents or the nuns convinced them they were going to hell or it was just a phase or some combo of the two!