not that you should change partners on a weekly basis but is it reasonable to expect a lifetime of monogamy? i find myself growing bored after a few months, i think it's just the idea of something 'new' that excites me. thoughts?

I really think it is up to each person...but, there are many kinds of love...and one can love more than just one person.

personally, I am all about monogamy.

without monogamy, i feel like relationships are just about sex.

oh...I was talking about the forms of love without sex...Im sorry..

I've been monogamous for 7 years now, and I'd loooooooooove to have another partner, male or female, but that dosn't mean I don't love my wife anymore. Monogamy dosn't seem to natural to me right now, but I'm going to continue to do my best.

The 7-year-itch is FOR REAL!

I am pretty sure that monogamy was culturally imposed and is none of the natural human traits. Monogamy made a lot of sense, too.

First, it made sure that a male was not raising other people's offspring.

Second, it reduced or even eliminated the risk of sexually transmitted diseases.

On an emotional level, monogamy secured m2f relationships and reflected the society's primary discourse of 'ownership' into the love and sexual practices of its members. 'My wife - really meant, only I get to be sexual with her. She is somewhat my 'property'.

---
Monogamy or not is something that you want to decide for yourself. It works for some and it sure does not work for many, since cheating among hetero, bi and gay humans is so well-spread.

I am all for an open relationship, coz it works for my partner and myself. I would hate the notion of not being able or allowed to do, what I want to do, just because I am partnered. I would also hate the notion that my partner is somehow 'owned' by me and that I am in sole charge of his sexual life.

And I would hate to lie and be lied to. I would equally hate the go on checking and get involved into all of the childish play associated with it.

Just my 2 cents. You go as you find fit.

KD

For me, monogamy is the only way to go. It makes my relationship with my boyfriend so much more wonderful.

I agree with KewlDude on this one. My gf and I have a very open relationship. Open enough to share each others partners at times, or keep them to ourselves.

It seems to me that if monogamy were natural, then this wouldn't be an issue. We'd all be monogamous.

I think manogamy came to be a social issue because of government interference (what else?), which of course would include the Catholic Church in its power days. At the same time kings and lord would marry as many as they saw fit for political reasons, it made fiscal sense to limit the serfdom to one man one woman. The lords were, after all, responsible for feeding these people. If the guy was out spreading his seed among the willing, there would have been too many mouths to feed, less taxes to collect, etc.

The Bible even tells of the Judaic kings having hundreds of wives and concubines. Wives and concubines were permitted, it was adultry, or nailing some one else's wife or concubine, that got you into deep trouble. It wasn't until the new testament that one wife became a standard, and that only became acceptable 1400 years ago.

Are we meant to? Probably by nature, yes!

How do you guys feel about monogamy? To me there is nothing more right or satisfying than to be with my boyfriend ONLY, and no one else. I mean what's so wrong with it. The straights constantly preach it for their ranks, not that many of them obey it.:) But who says we can't. I believe that monogamy is the healthiest and most satisfying lifestyle there is for both heterosexuals and homosexuals. Does anyone agree with me?

I'd like to be monogamous.

i totally agree

It would depend a lot on the guy, really. I haven't tried open polygamy yet, I'd kinda like to find out if it is actually workable, but I wouldn't want it to end up being like some experiment.

At the moment I'd be grateful for one partner, really.

Yeah I think I feel the same way. I think monogamy seems like it is be the best lifestyle for me.

One of the most wonderful dreams I've ever had was about me being in a polygamous relationship...in reality I don't know how much it would actually work for me, I think I would crash what COULD have been a good thing into the ground with jealousy and such. But I find nothing morally wrong with it, if it works for you and for them then go for it I say.

I could never be in a polygamous relationship. I'd just get too jealous.

If there were any sort of emotions involved beyond sex, anybody would.

In my opinion. Polygamy in any form is morally wrong. But thats just my opinion. Another thing is that straights are constantly giving us a hard time about not being monogamous. I just wish more gay couples would see the advantages of monogamy and show those people that we can have just as good and healthy relationships as they can. And besides so many of them are hippocrites. They often have multiple sexual partners and we're the ones fighting to gain the right to marry.

yeah i couldn't do the whole polygamy thing..

I agree with the idea of monogamy. It's what I am best suited to. I could never imagine myself with multiple partners.

Hi, I decided to join a forum like this to find out from other folks what their views are on the possibility of 2 gay men being in a real, committed, loyal ltr. Is it possible? I am asking this obviously because in my 38 years I have yet to find it. The promises are always made, the love is always proclaimed and in a few months they need to start 'seeing' other men. I don't get it, perhaps I am just really naive but when I truly love someone I just don't think about other men. Period. Perhaps I am just a Victorian reject, lost in time and alone. Any words?

happens to us straight guys too
but ya gotta realize its better toonly waist a couple months on the ones who arent just right instead of years only to have it fail..
sooner or later though most ppl will find someone willing to put up with our asses

You're right... time is what it takes.

It seems to me that if monogamy were natural, then this wouldn't be an issue. We'd all be monogamous.

Now it seems to me that if heterosexual was natural, there wouldn't be glbt issues. We'd all be straight.

Or vice versa.

Catch my drift?

Oh, and although it'd be interesting to see if i could deal with monogamy...but I know I'd eventually get too jealous. For example, i have to work one day but they get the day off together...QQ i'd feel so left out lol

If I had married my first girflriend, im pretty sure I would have been deeply in love with her and never even noticed another girl for the rest of my life...Hopefully I find this kind of love again. I believe in monogomy....and Im glad my parents did too!! Such a happy family

I can't imagine being in a polygamous relationship. I already get somewhat jealous when my boyfriend hangs out with other people instead of me; having multiple partners would drive me insane. Plus, I don't think that a polygamous relationship could ever be as satisfying as a monogamous one. There's so much more trust involved with monogamy.

There's so much more trust involved with monogamy. I can somewhat agree with that. However, I think it really just depends on the actual people involved in the relationship. For instance, I've been with my boyfriend for just about 5yrs now. At first, for me personally, it was all about monogamy. He was the only one for me and I was happy with that.

After 3yrs though, something changed..not sure exactly what it was, but things just changed I guess. Not my feelings nor emotional attachment to my bf, but my feelings towards complete monogamy.

Anyways, I think if you're truly in love with someone, honest communication is the best way to go. I "confessed" my feelings to my bf and he was totally understanding. Really appreciated my honesty and understood it was nothing personal against him. "sex is sex" and he knows it's meaningless if I end up hooking up with some other guy. and the feeing is totally mutual. You just gotta know what you want and be honest with your partner (and yourself most importantly). no need to cheat, lie, and create weird -ass vibes in the relationship.

so i think there is still lots of trust involved even if monogamy is not 100% there. i know i'm not alone on this one here, right guys?

Arguing what is and isn't natural in this case is silly. Humans are adaptable creatures, we do whatever works best in the moment. Lifetime monogamy is certainly possible, and potentially wonderful, but why should it be superior to anything else?

i think that, even though i have not had much experience, that if you truly love someone, and have built up an open trust-worthy relationship, then it shouldn't matter if one person has their one-nighters with someone else.

i do also believe, that if you both are comfortable enough to not get jealous you can make your monogamous relationship into a three way RELATIONSHIP and all share your lives together. i think it doesn't matter where the love comes from, as long as everyone is comfortable and content it can come from 3 HUNDRED people (thats a bit much tho, i was exaggerating) as long as you stay connected with both people and don't block one out. in that case, i would consider THAT cheating, if your partner is uninformed of a specific occasion where the other two had sex and is uncomfortable with it.

I can't imagine being in a polygamous relationship. I already get somewhat jealous when my boyfriend hangs out with other people instead of me; having multiple partners would drive me insane. Plus, I don't think that a polygamous relationship could ever be as satisfying as a monogamous one. There's so much more trust involved with monogamy.
QFT.

I can't imagine being in a polygamous relationship. I already get somewhat jealous when my boyfriend hangs out with other people instead of me; having multiple partners would drive me insane. Plus, I don't think that a polygamous relationship could ever be as satisfying as a monogamous one. There's so much more trust involved with monogamy.


I don't know, is there more trust in monogamy? It doesn't seem like people in monogamous relationships trust each other any more than anyone else, from what I've seen. Polygamy/open relationships/whatever seem like you'd have to trust someone more; you've got to trust them to sleep around without sleeping with "the wrong people" - i.e. people that you both know would piss you off.

In an open relationship, I think you either need an unspoken thing or a list of definite don'ts. Kinda like the opposite of that thing where monogamous couples make a list of five (usually famous) people who they're allowed to cheat with if they have the chance; instead you have a list of people who they must not sleep with. To me they're on the same kind of level.

I don't know, I've not been in an open relationship and I've never cheated on anyone. I've had two casual things overlap slightly but that was about it and (I hope) neither was under the impression that it was anything more. So I have a limited understanding of how this would work. I have been with a guy who was seeing someone else, and it didn't bother me at all, so I feel like I could handle an open relationship without any serious problems. My only problem with the idea really is that I think I'd end up having my guy "stolen" - i.e. if he had to choose between me and someone else, the other guy's going to be the one insisting on monogamy, so i'm likely to lose out.

Its a different rulebook to hetero though, there's no baby rush in ones 30s (when a lot of them settle down), no biological clock. No real reason for us to settle down till later. A big part of monogamy in heteroes has to do with the risk of bearing/raising others children


As for ltr's, well thats got to be most about best friends, I always go in with the approach of tending towards momogamy, if he was with other guys a couple times a month, I'd be like "hey hang on a minute". But I also could never seriously expect him to go years not having some extra curricular fun. If he wants to get some and not have you find out, that aint all that hard.

As for heteros, dont assume just cos parents keep it G-rated around the kids, and still when the kids grow up, and then the grandkids. Mum bakes scones, covers the house with pictures of flowers and knits; that they dont do things like treat each other to a third partner around each others birthday. think of all the tricks we do to keep things private, you really think some dont do similar, with as well as without their partners knowledge

Its a different rulebook to hetero though, there's no baby rush in ones 30s (when a lot of them settle down), no biological clock. No real reason for us to settle down till later.

No biological reason, maybe. But I'm not going to pretend that I don't want to meet the man I'll "marry" sooner rather than later. I do wonder if this is an attitude that changes with age, or maybe a generational difference, but a good half of my gay friends have settled down and got married in the past couple of years. It may be that my generation simply sees more reason to settle down, for social reasons, out of peer pressure, or an aspiration towards greater integration. I don't think it's just to do with babies with the heterosexuals either; while the choice may be different, the inability to maintain a longterm relationship is seen as socially undesireable.

As for ltr's, well thats got to be most about best friends, I always go in with the approach of tending towards momogamy, if he was with other guys a couple times a month, I'd be like "hey hang on a minute". But I also could never seriously expect him to go years not having some extra curricular fun. If he wants to get some and not have you find out, that aint all that hard.

See, personally I'd have a lot more trouble with someone doing it in secret that I would with them doing it at all.

As for heteros, dont assume just cos parents keep it G-rated around the kids, and still when the kids grow up, and then the grandkids. Mum bakes scones, covers the house with pictures of flowers and knits; that they dont do things like treat each other to a third partner around each others birthday. think of all the tricks we do to keep things private, you really think some dont do similar, with as well as without their partners knowledge

See, I really don't think the occasional dalliance makes someone a polygamist. That to me is at most an open relationship, or otherwise just straight up cheating. As I understood it, polygamy refers to more than one partner over a period of time.

It may be that my generation simply sees more reason to settle down, for social reasons, out of peer pressure, or an aspiration towards greater integration.


Well the trend with straight guys is to leave settleing down till later, average age of hetero marriage has gone up not down, I see this trend continuing. I would assume gays of your and following generations would follow suit

I must point out I'm not advocating rooting around, not saying I do, I dont. Not judging those that do

Well the trend with straight guys is to leave settleing down till later, average age of hetero marriage has gone up not down, I see this trend continuing. I would assume gays of your and following generations would follow suit


Could be. My thinking was, to put it bluntly, that the novelty of gays being able to fuck whoever whenever may have culturally worn off; we've had a few decades of enjoying being different, now we want to prove that it doesn't own us. I don't know though.

Could be. My thinking was, to put it bluntly, that the novelty of gays being able to fuck whoever whenever may have culturally worn off; we've had a few decades of enjoying being different, now we want to prove that it doesn't own us. I don't know though.


Not really the way it is with my generation either, more like 20% getting the attention from straights and speaking for all of us. You dont see the guys seeing the same guy week after week to hang out, watch DVDs and cook....thats boring

Shouldn't we, like, do something about that?

Not really, Humans only really pay close attention to those the same age to see how to act. You have to see the girls in full baby making mode, from about 28 - 40 to see how it really is between straight people. Then you'll see there are parts of the whole gay thing, Church vs Evolution, Church vs Gay, that are really there to hide info about the girls and protect them at least till they get to that stage.

I know from your previous comments about protecting girls, which half of gay you are in, for now think about a few things:

- That you have subconsciously trained yourself to always look in a girls eyes first (straight guys don't do this)

- With both guys and girls, no one else can see the look you get from them head on (not all guys get the same looks you might get from girls)

-try work out which looks the girls give that you imitate and send out to the guys

- Pay attention to the very first set of looks you get from a guy, when you first meet him


For half of us its all about the eyes, the other half its all about voice, body language, with some in between: a mixture of both

^Posted in the wrong thread?^

^^^

No not really, was just responding to your question about shouldnt we do something about the rep of gay guys.

I'm just saying you need to wait till your 30s to see what happens with the girls your age and how much they are preprogrammed, then smothering feelings return for you and you'll get the last pieces of the puzzle.

Everything negative about the gay male drummed up by straight society hides a dark aspect of female sexuality.

As one example: Straights believe gay beat culture is just about a bunch of horny gay guys running around having cheap anonymous sex and not about a bunch of married guys who have thier heads messed up cos their 8 yr old daughter, who looks like the wife, is already thinking about babies and throwing sexy looks at their dads without realising it. The beat thing is just as much about these guys craving a meaningless fiddle without eye contact and without a reminder of the wife and daughter. Its not about hunting for guys, its about hunting for non-females that aint going to look you in the eye like that.

There are some other surprises install for you to do with that top 5% of females who are most driven by baby making urges, how early that can start, and how it really is sometimes between a daughter and her father, some issues that dont crop up in guys cos their mothers dont stay 19 as they grow up. You wont see a lot of it until you yourself reach the age where you look like a dad, and then you'll see first hand the creepier parts. The kicker is its only the tall beefy straight guys with a strong dad look and half of gay guys that ever get to see it, so only about 20% of the male population, and they'll only get approached by the girls when no one else is around, cos they are embarrassed to be that way, all other females are essentially competition and they wont do it near guys that still have too much of a sex look in the eyes

As one example: Straights believe gay beat culture is just about a bunch of horny gay guys running around having cheap anonymous sex and not about a bunch of married guys who have thier heads messed up cos their 8 yr old daughter, who looks like the wife, is already thinking about babies and throwing sexy looks at their dads without realising it. The beat thing is just as much about these guys craving a meaningless fiddle without eye contact and without a reminder of the wife and daughter. Its not about hunting for guys, its about hunting for non-females that aint going to look you in the eye like that.

Ouch. So you're saying that, on balance, the camp horny guy is a preferable compromise.

There are some other surprises install for you to do with that top 5% of females who are most driven by baby making urges, how early that can start, and how it really is sometimes between a daughter and her father, some issues that dont crop up in guys cos their mothers dont stay 19 as they grow up. You wont see a lot of it until you yourself reach the age where you look like a dad, and then you'll see first hand the creepier parts. The kicker is its only the tall beefy straight guys with a strong dad look and half of gay guys that ever get to see it, so only about 20% of the male population, and they'll only get approached by the girls when no one else is around, cos they are embarrassed to be that way, all other females are essentially competition and they wont do it near guys that still have too much of a sex look in the eyes

Uh.... I've re-read that a few times and I still don't get it.

I know from your previous comments about protecting girls, which half of gay you are in, for now think about a few things:

- That you have subconsciously trained yourself to always look in a girls eyes first (straight guys don't do this)

- With both guys and girls, no one else can see the look you get from them head on (not all guys get the same looks you might get from girls)

-try work out which looks the girls give that you imitate and send out to the guys

- Pay attention to the very first set of looks you get from a guy, when you first meet him


For half of us its all about the eyes, the other half its all about voice, body language, with some in between: a mixture of both

I don't remember saying anything about "protecting girls", not sure if you have me confused with someone else. I don't get much attention, male or female, anymore, unless I'm just completely oblivious to it. I tend not to make eye contact with people because my eyesight sucks, but I usually at least look at people's faces when I talk - that counts for guys as well as girls though. I get what you're saying about straight men talking to women's tits, but I don't get why you think I would have "subconsciously trained" myself not to do the same.

I'm also at a bit of a loss as to what this how to do with how gay people are perceived.

Ouch. So you're saying that, on balance, the camp horny guy is a preferable compromise.

Do you really want to go around telling women who love thier 'faithfull' husbands how many are sucking dick late at night near the local truckstop?


I get what you're saying about straight men talking to women's tits, but I don't get why you think I would have "subconsciously trained" myself not to do the same.


Comes from early childhood, around 4yrs, 5yrs old, either being the kid in the class that was taller than everyone else and timid, more like a dad figure, or a dude smaller than everyone else and attention seeking, more like a son or baby brother. You either get daddy like attention from the girls which includes the daddy stare, or Son like attention and Son looks, girls will bug you until you look into their eyes, hence you start training to look into girls eyes first to calm them down. Other guys in the class that are more average, more like brother figures dont get this kind of attention.

Its stuff you might not really remember, takes a trigger or two in later life for it to come flooding back.

Its stuff you may not get till you get into your 30s and see how many girls are only every really lusting after guys that look like dads. But if you're eyesight is poor, you might have trouble.


You've never wondered why some guys you know they are gay as soon as you meet them, others you dont have a clue unless they tell you? The first group - guys that trained to seek attention from guys when they were little, via voice and gestures. The second group - trained / scared off the girls, run to the security of guys, mainly use the eyes.


The short version - just pay more attention to all guys eyes, the "Hello I'm gay" look is an imitation of the big brother control look girls use; body and head very still, looking straight into your eyes

Do you really want to go around telling women who love thier 'faithfull' husbands how many are sucking dick late at night near the local truckstop?

Sure, why not? They can handle it, they can remain in denial the way they always have... I dunno though, I know it's a gradual process but ideally I want a world where people don't have to keep secrets. Did these guys marry women because they were bisexual? Or did they marry because they were ashamed to admit they were gay? Makes a difference, and I have to say, I have very little sympathy with infidelity; I'd rather people just didn't get married than get married and cheat. I would hope that greater visibility of gays as normal people, the type that your truckstop hubbies wouldn't be ashamed to be associated with, would at least help future generations to feel okay about being gay.

Maybe that's me being prejudiced, for not seeing marrying a woman and then sneaking out on her to suck cock as a perfectly valid lifestyle. But I don't see myself changing my mind about that, and I can't pretend I have much sympathy if, as you imply, these people are the reason why all the fags in the media have to be freaks.

Comes from early childhood, around 4yrs, 5yrs old, either being the kid in the class that was taller than everyone else and timid, more like a dad figure, or a dude smaller than everyone else and attention seeking, more like a son or baby brother. You either get daddy like attention from the girls which includes the daddy stare, or Son like attention and Son looks, girls will bug you until you look into their eyes, hence you start training to look into girls eyes first to calm them down. Other guys in the class that are more average, more like brother figures dont get this kind of attention.

Its stuff you might not really remember, takes a trigger or two in later life for it to come flooding back.

Its stuff you may not get till you get into your 30s and see how many girls are only every really lusting after guys that look like dads. But if you're eyesight is poor, you might have trouble.


You've never wondered why some guys you know they are gay as soon as you meet them, others you dont have a clue unless they tell you? The first group - guys that trained to seek attention from guys when they were little, via voice and gestures. The second group - trained / scared off the girls, run to the security of guys, mainly use the eyes.


The short version - just pay more attention to all guys eyes, the "Hello I'm gay" look is an imitation of the big brother control look girls use; body and head very still, looking straight into your eyes


Uh... I'll be honest, this doesn't really match my experience at all. I've tended to go for guys who look like my dad, but then, those guys also look like me, so I don't know which is more important.

Comes from early childhood, around 4yrs, 5yrs old, either being the kid in the class that was taller than everyone else and timid, more like a dad figure, or a dude smaller than everyone else and attention seeking, more like a son or baby brother. You either get daddy like attention from the girls which includes the daddy stare, or Son like attention and Son looks, girls will bug you until you look into their eyes, hence you start training to look into girls eyes first to calm them down. Other guys in the class that are more average, more like brother figures dont get this kind of attention.

Its stuff you might not really remember, takes a trigger or two in later life for it to come flooding back.

Its stuff you may not get till you get into your 30s and see how many girls are only every really lusting after guys that look like dads. But if you're eyesight is poor, you might have trouble.


You've never wondered why some guys you know they are gay as soon as you meet them, others you dont have a clue unless they tell you? The first group - guys that trained to seek attention from guys when they were little, via voice and gestures. The second group - trained / scared off the girls, run to the security of guys, mainly use the eyes.


The short version - just pay more attention to all guys eyes, the "Hello I'm gay" look is an imitation of the big brother control look girls use; body and head very still, looking straight into your eyes

This argument is completely absurd. Care to cite information or did you come up with this yourself?

^^^

Which part is absurd, I can expand if you like.

Elaborate on the different stares an elementary girl would give the boys in class. Did you get a daddy stare? Do you know how to do the daddy stare? Have you been in classrooms to observe said behaviors?

I think it is pretty silly to differentiate homos when they were children into two groups. Boys who tried to get attention from other boys and boys who were "trained"/afraid of girls. And then calling the first group essentially feminine while the second group is masculine. What about people who identify as masculine and feminine?

You argument lacks credibility if you can give information that supports these claims, perhaps then it would be worth looking into.

I'm just baffled as to why it's being raised in relation to me not to want more accurate representation of gay people in the media/culture. As you can see, I wasn't even sure if it was meant to be in this thread!

I feel like being monogamous is a challenge. It's more difficult for gay men, in my opinion, because it seems to be in a man's nature to want more than one person. Especially when things get boring and old. Gotta keep it fresh in the bedroom! Try new stuff. But I think if you find someone who makes you want to be with only that person, then monogamy is the way to go. That's where I am right now.