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What's the difference between Pope John Paul II and Madeleine McCann? The Pope died a virgin.

Renault is launching a new car in Portugal, with extra space in the boot for a child. It's called the Renault McCann.

thats awfully mean... I know a mccann joke too but i wont say... YOU CANT MAKE ME!! well you probably can... All ya gotsa to i blackmail me.

I think the moderator should be informed of this offensive thread ;)

Q. What's the difference between the McCanns and Gary Glitter?
A. Gary Glitter comes back from his holidays with more kids than he left with.

that last one is GOOD.

Q: Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
A: Ask your mother...!!


Q: Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team?
A: Because everybody who can run, jump and swim are already in the U.S.


Q: What's the difference between getting a divorce and getting
circumcised?
A: When you get a divorce, you get rid of the whole prick!


Q. What's the definition of a Yankee?
A. Same thing as a "quickie", only you do it yourself.


Q: How does every ethnic joke start?
A: By looking over your shoulder.

What does Princess Diana and an Ice cream have in common?


.....They were both creamed by Walls™

What's the best thing about having sex with twentyeight year olds?

There's twenty of them.

What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?



You can unscrew a light bulb.

What's the best thing about having sex with twentyeight year olds?

There's twenty of them.

OOOOOOOOOOOH! :stunned:

Why are smear tests called smear tests?

If they were called cunt scrapes, no bugger would have 'em.

Why are smear tests called smear tests?

If they were called cunt scrapes, no bugger would have 'em.:D

I lolled:eek: Probably first time ever with one of your jokes:tongue:

What has four legs and an arm?
A doberman at a playground.

What's black and blue and doesn't like sex?
The eight year old in my trunk.

I used to enjoy New Orleans wine, but lately it's been watered down.

You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make a horse drink unless you have a really big blender.

Q. How do you stop a police officer drowning?
A. Take your foot off his head.

What did Dodi say to Diana when they got in the car?

I'm going to take you up the tunnel and make you bleed.

Why did the sailor fall into the sea?
He was dead.

Why did the second sailor fall into the sea?
He thought it was a game.

Why did the third sailor fall into the sea?
Pier pressure.

I used to enjoy New Orleans wine, but lately it's been watered down.

You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make a horse drink unless you have a really big blender.

i heehawed at these two...

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What's the difference between Pope John Paul II and Madeleine McCann? The Pope died a virgin.

Renault is launching a new car in Portugal, with extra space in the boot for a child. It's called the Renault McCann.Knock knock...

Who's there?

No one Gerry, it's just Madeleine trying to get out of the boot

What's the name of the smallest pub in the world?


...The Thalidomide Arms.

Why can't Stevie Wonder read?

Because he's black.

How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable?

AIDS.


(Crossed the line?:()

What do you call a Scoomer in a suit?

The accused.

(Scoomer = resident of Moulsecoombe, Brighton)

Speaking of Brighton: I was there from Tuesday till Thursday. I must say it's one of the nicest cities I've had the pleasure to visit in Britain. It's full of lovely people, and beautiful men and women. Plus the little lanes full of boutiques and that place that makes milkshakes out of anything! I'm hoping to go the university of Sussex there if I get the required grades. I'll definitely be visiting again.:)

Glad you liked it. The more I see of other cities in England, the more I realise how lucky I am to live here.

A Christian father and his 6 year old daughter were sitting in the backyard admiring God's creations, when a spider walks up to where they're sitting. The little girl asks her father what sort of spider it is and he tells her it's a daddy long legs. Another spider walks up to the first and they start to mate. The girl asks her father "Is that a mommy long legs?" to which her father answers "No, that's a daddy long legs too."

The little girl gets up and angrily stomps both spiders to death and says "We won't have any of that at our house!"

I'm surprised the Ethiopian jokes haven't come out yet...

HAha, this thread makes me laugh.
I was going to contribute some dead baby jokes, as I find them quiet funny in right company, but they tend to get me in trouble so I'll be leaving now! :eek:

What's the best thing about twenty five year olds?
The fact there's twenty of them.

HAha, this thread makes me laugh.
I was going to contribute some dead baby jokes, as I find them quiet funny in right company, but they tend to get me in trouble so I'll be leaving now! :eek:if you cant' tell offensive dead baby jokes on an offensive joke thread then what is the point of living? come on, crack on, post em. then we can all feel uncomfortable laughing together. :D


What's the best thing about twenty five year olds?
The fact there's twenty of them.that was sooo cheating, luke. :tongue:
it was just a repeat of power_13's twenty eight year old joke.

that was sooo cheating, luke. :tongue:
it was just a repeat of power_13's twenty eight year old joke.Hey, that joke isn't that old :(

Hey, that joke isn't that old :(:lol:

Oh, sorry...I didn't realise someone already said it.

Oh, sorry...I didn't realise someone already said it.I'm so glad I met you ... I really enjoy reading all your posts in a Welsh accent:tongue:

Oh, sorry...I didn't realise someone already said it.aww ... now i feel bad. :(

no worries, all my jokes were copied off of websites

except for that pregnant woman joke :tongue:

What gets louder as it gets smaller?
A baby in a trash compactor.

What's funnier than a dead baby?
A dead baby sitting next to a kid with down syndrome.

What's the difference between a dead baby and a trampoline?
When you jump on a trampoline, you take your boots off.

What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs in the middle of the ocean?
Fucked.

What do you get when you put a baby in a blender?
An erection.





What sound does a baby make when you turn the blender on?
I dunno, I was too busy jacking off to notice.

*uncomfortable laughter*

What's funnier than a dead baby?
A dead baby sitting next to a kid with down syndrome.

Haha! I liked that one.:tongue:

Judge: So, Sir Paul, why is it that you want to divorce Heather?

Paul McCartney: Well, your honour, she's become an alcoholic.

Heather Mills: You bloody liar, Paul, I'm not an alcoholic!

Paul McCartney: Yes you are, dear, you're always legless...

After this divorce, do you think Paul will ever go down on one knee again?



Or do you think they'll just be friends?

:tongue:

What was so bad about being a black Jew?
You had to sit in the back of the oven.

What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza?
A pizza doesn't scream when you put it in the oven!

Jews and ovens always make for entertaining combinations, I do think. :)

If this was a dinner party, now would be time for the awkward silence....

... it's just so bad i had to share it :tongue:



A fellow was on his honeymoon near his favorite fishing lake and he would fish from dawn to dark with his favorite fishing guide. One day the guide, friend of many years, mentioned that the honeymoon seemed to be spent fishing.

"Yes, but you know how I love to fish..."

"But aren't you newlyweds supposed to be into something else?"

"Yes, but she's got gonorrhea; and you know how I love to fish"

A few hours later, "I understand, but that's not the only way to have sex."

"I know, but she's got diarrhea; and you know how I love to fish..."

The following day: "Sure, but that's still not the only way to have sex."

"Yeah, but she's got phyrrea(*); and you know how I love to fish..."

Late that afternoon, thoroughly frustrated: "I guess I'm not sure why you'd marry someone with health problems like that."

"It's 'cause she's also got worms; and you know I just love to fish..."

(*)Mouth rot

I'm surprised the Ethiopian jokes haven't come out yet... Q: What's the best thing about an Ethiopian blowjob?

A: You know she'll swallow!

A Scotsman and a Jew went to a restaurant. After a hearty meal, the waitress came by with the inevitable check. To the amazement of all, the Scotsman was heard to say, "I'll pay it!" and he actually did.

The next morning's newspaper carried the news item:

"JEWISH VENTRILOQUIST FOUND MURDERED IN BLIND ALLEY."

What did the Chemist say to the McCanns?
These sleeping pills are not suitable for kids under 4.

why do you put a baby in the blender feet first?




so you can see its expression

why do you put a baby in the blender feet first?




so you can see its expression

WRONG-WRONG-WRONG! :banghead:

WRONG-WRONG-WRONG! :banghead:

why?

why?Because it's much more fun to watch the little legs kick around. :D

Because it's much more fun to watch the little legs kick around. :DHahaha

What d'you call a chocolate bar that's stuck up George Michael's arse?

A careless Wispa.


Seriously, the first time I heard this I nearly laughed myself sick :D

Why doesn't Michael Barrymore have any ashtrays?

Because he throws all his fags in the pool.


Why was the cleaner sacked from the world trade center?

She left the landing light on.

This week I ah been mostly eating sawdust.