Hi everybody... dunno if I'm in the right place, but the gay forums just didn't seem like what I was looking for. I've spent the last three or four years trying to work out my sexuality, which like almost any other human's is complicated and rather ugly. I've had a very hard time naming it, going from gay to bisexual to asexual to omnisexual, trisexual, nonsexual, unisex, and anything else, and either the name doesn't fit me or it's just absurd.

What I want more than anything is to be male, have a man's body, because that's how I feel and have always felt inside, like a man. But the rub is, I'm also sexually attracted to men. The idea of "heterosex" is repulsive to me; so sexually as a woman I'd rather be with women, or with no one at all, but more than anything I want to be male. As close as I can come to defining myself is a gay man in a woman's body. Is this unusual?

I dress and act like a boy as much as I can without inviting the wrath of my very Catholic family, with whom I live for just another few montths. I feel so much more at peace with a flat chest and I feel right when I'm in boys' clothing and all of that. I've got a rather deep voice and an entirely unspectacular chest, which isn't too hard to hide...

I guess I'm a little young (17) to make any major decisions, so for now I'm just wondering if I'm anywhere near the right conclusion here. Any input would be much appreciated. Thanks!

you are totally how i was at that age, and scince them ive come out as ftm, but not just an ftm im a gay transman. and yes there is such a thing. If u need anything u can PM me or my aim in northernlytes. It can be very troubling, confusing and often times depressing to deal with when u dont even know who you are. I would suggest talking to a therapist thats glbt friendly. You can find a list of them here http://www.thetransitionalmale.com along with a bunch of useful info and like-minded people. Hope it helps